Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
