Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
