heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
