I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
