The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
