the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize