god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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