I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
