I look better un-naked...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize