**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
