So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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