Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
