My first STD was from a foam party
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize