You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
