I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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