I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
