And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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