Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
