I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
