in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
