I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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