New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
