pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
