well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
