Are we in a gay sports bar?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
