I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
