you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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