taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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