i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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