I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
