I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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