in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
