Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
