Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
