i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i will never coherently bang her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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