We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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