Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she told me i tasted like america
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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