The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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