So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
