Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
