thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
