So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
