Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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