I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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