i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
