I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
