How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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