You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
