I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
