Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
