I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
