Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize