sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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