Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
