can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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