if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we should paint friendship bongs
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