Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
