After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
