ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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