I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Terrible idea I love it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
