do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
