I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
