I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
