i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
