Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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