i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
