I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize