if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
