Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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