At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
