she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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