either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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