He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
