I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
