dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
